Connection vs Accessibility: Why We're Burning Out On Social Media
Well, we’ve done it … connection at scale has become the norm.
All we need is a phone and the internet, and we can literally discover, connect, and communicate with anyone in the world. This is what we’re doing, right? Connecting? I’m not so sure. While this type of connection offers many benefits, our social brains can’t sustain this diluted form of “connection.” We once survived and thrived in small communities and now we have followers; voyeurs, even, that share in our lives all to provide a quick dopamine hit from our seemingly connected digital worlds. A true quantity over quality method of thinking that frankly is emotionally burning us out.
Our comparison circles have gotten bigger, our lives have become more curated, our attention spans are shorter as we scroll and scroll through endless content, and our identities are becoming blurred from the skewed reality of what’s on our screen. These perceived expectations and group-think interpretations of who we should be are wearing out and tearing us down. Even the word “content” being used to describe our lives removes the meaning from why we live it. We’re more concerned about showing others where we are and what we’re doing rather than simply enjoying the experience of being there. I know it seems like I’m hating on social media; I’m not, I’m simply observing a culture experiencing an identity crisis at scale as a result of it. We’re a little hazy and unrealistic about the impact our social lives have on our real lives. There are many benefits to social media, like social sharing, community building, career opportunity and providing entertainment, but like all things, we must take the good with the bad; and somehow, while on the periphery, figure out how to find balance within ourselves in the process.
In the case of social media, it can lead to an exhausting cycle of self-analysis, unrealistic expectations, and depression if we aren’t more aware of how to handle the side effects of its power to “connect” and give us access to literally billions of people in the world. We simply aren’t prepared to have that level of transparency into our lives, into other people's lives. It’s why a percentage of the population is choosing to create private accounts, limit interaction, and in some cases delete their accounts entirely. Why do we want to make our circles smaller? Why are some of us creating boundaries and sharing less? Personally, I think it’s because we’re learning the difference between connection and accessibility. The idea of being able to “connect” with anyone in the world, a “no one’s off limits”, you can “slide into their DMs,” let’s make it “Facebook official” type of world is opportunistic at best, but it doesn’t create genuine connection, it grants access. Access to our lives, our at times, very curated lives, that often leave us vulnerable and unaware of the negative effects it has on our ability to process reality and simply our mental health. And I’m sharing all this from the perspective of a 30 something adult, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like from the perspective of a developing mind still trying to understand how they fit in the world.
Now, wouldn’t it be great if I had a 10-step process for fixing our social media burnout? Sorry guys, I don’t. But what I do have are some techniques that have helped me ground myself within this digital world. Too often we’re left to our own devices, literally and figuratively, to determine what we want, who we are and why we need certain social assurances to validate ourselves. Without the right mental tools, this challenge is almost always disappointing but there is hope here.
I reflect on these (4) points when trying to gain perspective within my own social sphere…
Why are you on it?
There are social platforms I simply don’t even bother with, frankly because who has the time and energy to share that much or even care that much! I’d rather be spending time with my friends irl, reading a book, or writing but that’s just me. The platforms I am on, I frequently ask myself why and what value do they bring? Much like everything else I talk about in brand, knowing the why and the value something holds will keep you aligned, focused and intentional (in this case) while you’re scrolling around. So, think of how you want to use the platform, what are you comfortable sharing and why you are sharing it?
What do you get out of it?
Let’s face it, managing expectations are hard and the power of the like button is real. If you’re looking for validation, support, or simply a confidence boost, it’s ok just single it out as a separate experience and not one that directly connects to who you are. You don’t need everyone in the world to “like” you, laugh at your jokes or support your work, in fact that’s impossible; you just need to focus on being you and your community will find you. Reflect on and loosely define what your goals are on each platform. This will help shield you from missed expectations and potential criticism from faceless followers.
Determine your boundaries before you start scrolling.
Endless scrolling…we’ve all done it. I still do it at times and catch myself somewhere between realizing what a time suck it is and before I develop a thumb cramp. Curiously peeking into other people’s lives, watching dance and puppy videos, or laughing at the latest memes, can be super entertaining. The trick is staying entertained and not getting sucked into some rabbit hole of comparison thinking you’re not good enough, fit enough, pretty enough, young enough, rich enough, doing enough, you get it. Give yourself dedicated social media time, set a timer if you have to, and give yourself a “safe word” when it comes to certain content. When you feel that first twinge of sadness, you’ve gone too far. Keep it upbeat, informative, entertaining, and valuable to you.
Be intentional about who you follow and why.
It’s good to do a social following reset or cleanse every now and then. We get so excited in growing our followers, that we sometimes forget who or why we agree to follow them back. If you have the first three points figured out, it makes this one a whole lot easier. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re scrolling through your social feed and remember that it’s a curated experience. Think about what types of things you’re liking and why because guess what the algorithm certainly is. The content you see is shaped by your interests so feed the system with valuable info, unfollow what doesn’t serve you and be intentional about what you share and who you share it with.
Social media has been one of the fastest growing forms of information sharing and communication probably since idk email? maybe even the internet itself? It has many perks, for instance you probably found this article by interacting with some form of social media, but my curiosity still lies in the cost/benefit of social media within our society. We’re still very unclear of the effects social media can and already has had on the emotional experience of humans. Just because it’s there, doesn’t mean you have to buy into every aspect of it. So, the next time you “connect” or “follow” someone on a social platform, think about if what you’re really agreeing to is access versus true connection. Reflect on the above (4) points or create some of your own, but whatever you do be more aware of what matters to you, how things affect and influence you, and ultimately the world you expose yourself to.
